Honest Self-Assessment
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8.32The most prominent theme in the comments I have received since I wrote An Important Week, have to do with me being too hard on myself. I must admit; this has me befuddled.
The words I chose, and continue choose, are to relay an honest assessment of where I was, where I had been and where I want to go. When we give ourselves open ended time frames, it is very easy to put off doing something until the next day, week, month or longer. I gave myself one week to get back on track — if I failed to do so, I was going to discontinue my public advocacy of living a healthier, more fit lifestyle. Really, if I continued championing fitness while weighing almost 300 pounds, and being out of shape, and doing nothing to remedy the situation —- Who the hell would take me seriously? Perhaps more importantly — How could I take myself seriously?
I take the usage of language, either the spoken or written word, as an earnest expression of my inner thoughts. The words I use, whether they are positive and cheery, or not — are used to convey those ideas, not only to those who read what I wrote, but to myself as well.
I am often baffled at how we as a people proclaim how much we desire and respect honesty, yet, we don’t like the use of words which are authentic. I failed myself for the last year — that is a plain, simple fact! I gained 84 pounds, and the endurance, strength and fitness I earned through hard work were all gone; what am I supposed to do — Pat myself on the back? Should I tell myself — Good job on gaining that weight back?
I remember growing up, it was admirable to display inner strength and mental toughness — Today, does everyone want their hand held? I
don’t! I erred. And, here comes the other word people don’t like to use — I was mentally WEAK! I ate, and ate, and ate, and ate. I consumed all of the foods I told others not to shove down their gullets. Instead of rising each day and tackling my waking hours with exercise, positive energy and gusto —I slept in. I sat around and drank coffee watching Mike and Mike In The Morning or Lead Off with Allie LaForce and Doug Gottlieb. Should I congratulate myself for watching reports of others being active and achieving?
This isn’t about compassion, or lack thereof; it isn’t about being nice, or not; it isn’t about being sensitive or not?
Is it compassionate to lie to ourselves as our health deteriorates?
Is it nice to shower platitudes upon ourselves to the point that physical and mental fitness suffers.
Is it sensitive to stand by and simply watch and behaviors that are self-destructive?
I think not! At certain times it is important to not merely be candid — but to be brutally forthright. I was writing largely for myself. I am humbled that I inspire others; but I don’t want that inspiration to be phony and hypocritical. If I can’t face my weakness, if I can’t accept that I failed, and most importantly, that I have the inner strength to overcome — How can I ever hope move others to do the same?
I could have easily hidden away, gotten back in shape, and most would not have been any the wiser. But then, I couldn’t look myself in the
mirror, I would not have been able to sleep at night and really the only person who would have been fooled by such a ruse would have been me. I had to face the realities that I had let myself down; that I allowed my health to crumble. If I couldn’t be authentic with myself; I could never be genuine with other people.
The opening quote may be considered cliché by some; but that doesn’t make it untrue. Since I had the courage, grit and fortitude to be honest with myself — I am back on track and ready to not solely, and perhaps it is a blessing, once again undo obesity, but come out triumphant over recidivism.
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************The information contained herein is for information purposes only and is not intended to diagnose or treat any disease or disorder. The posting and videos do not apply to those with an underlying medical or hormonal condition. I advise anyone embarking on a weight loss and fitness plan to have a thorough medical evaluation. You want to be sure that you are physically able to exercise and you don’t have any underlying medical conditions No guarantees are made or to be implied.************
